


Can't stop, won't stop

by life_not_knife



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 20:45:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8300398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_not_knife/pseuds/life_not_knife
Summary: ‘They traipse from one schedule to another. Rounds of makeup, stage clothes, fake laughter and prosthetic smiles.’





	

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So a lovely anon over on tumblr sent this picture in for the Onkey prompts thing I did. So….enjoy?

A/N: So a lovely anon over on tumblr sent this picture in for the Onkey prompts thing I did. So….enjoy?

 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“You just don’t understand Kibum. We can’t keep doing this.” Jinki says with a frustrated expression.

His pink hair is blowing lightly in the wind, his skin the perfect hue of pale caramel. Kibum thinks that their leader looks perfect like this. His plump, pink lips match his bubble gum pink hair and he is still dressed in his stage attire, he is inviting and that seems to be the current problem.

The younger man has his arms crossed across his chest in a defensive manner. His protective attitude is three fold. Firstly, Jinki is looking exceptionally attractive and he can’t do anything. Secondly, the pink haired man is currently telling him off and thirdly, he is being told off for something that he shouldn’t have to abide to.

“Hyung…” Kibum glances around awkwardly because he wants to drop the honorifics but there are too many potential lenses around, both in terms of cameras and eyes. “… I completely understand but you were okay with this up until now, why the sudden change?” Kibum clears his throat, his striped blazer shifting as his frame also adjusts in stance. He curses the glimpse of his multi-coloured hair in the car parked behind the leader because it seems to be mocking him given his current mood and situation.

“It’s not sudden Kibum…it has been brewing for a while but you are so brazen lately and I can’t be playing games. I can’t lose everything…WE can’t lose everything just because of some stupid antics.” Jinki explains, his voice is almost a whisper to make sure none of their conversation travels on the wind.

“That’s really what you – you know what, never mind. If this is all a game to you then I guess this problem is solved.” Kibum spits in an equally low whisper as he walks towards the parked car, his shoulder bumping against Jinki’s striped shirt on the way.

The leader sighs in defeat as he ruffles his hair and kicks the nearby wall in retribution. He just fucked everything up and he doesn’t know if it is fixable this time.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The rest of the evening passes in a blur. They traipse from one schedule to another. Rounds of makeup, stage clothes, fake laughter and prosthetic smiles. Jinki’s body is drained as always but the stress in his mind is causing a feeling of lassitude to entirely encompass him. He glances over to the closed door of Kibum’s bedroom and knows that he should leave well alone and go to sleep, but he also knows that if he doesn’t air this out then sleep will probably never find him. Once all of the other members have retired to their rooms, he makes for the familiar wooden door. He hesitates for a good ten minutes, talking himself into knocking before he finally goes through with it.

“Yeah?” He hears Kibum’s small and tired voice ask and he takes it as his cue to walk in. Upon the meeting of their gazes, the younger’s body visibly stiffens.

“Can we talk?” Jinki tentatively wonders as he hovers by the doorframe.

“That depends, have you come to apologise?” Kibum’s words are edged but there is a vulnerability in his tone that shows he is just as rattled as Jinki is right now.

“Kind of… I came to sort things out.” The leader hesitantly replies, remaining still and unmoving by the entryway.

“Come in then.” The answer is curt and stiff but it isn’t a rejection and so Jinki gains a little glimmer of hope.

There is nowhere to sit in Kibum’s room besides the bed – something he is only just noticing because it isn’t usually an issue – and so he stands awkwardly as he watches Kibum flick on the lamp and sit upright against his pillows.

“I didn’t mean what I said earlier, about this being a game or a joke. I’m sorry.” Jinki’s hands are restless as they play with the corner of his night shirt, but his eyes hold sincerity and are unwavering.

“Okay. Apology accepted, even though it really hurt to hear that.” Kibum resigns and shifts the round, gold-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. The leader notes the book laid open and face down on the bedside table, a tell-tale sign that Kibum couldn’t sleep either. This information fills him again with a little more hope and eases his heart.

“I did mean the other stuff though. I think…I don’t think we can keep doing this Kibum. It’s too risky. After what happened last Friday I just – ” He doesn’t need to finish his sentence because they both remember it vividly and the fear still strikes him down to the core whenever he recalls the incident.

“I’m confused…” Kibum begins, his eyes searching “… I need to know who I’m speaking to right now. Am I speaking to SHINee’s leader Onew or am I speaking to Lee Jinki?”

“We’re the same person Kibum. We share the same heart.” Jinki sighs.

“No. Lee Jinki doesn’t care about what others think. He only cares about being happy and thinks the rest of the world can like it or lump it because he knows that this feels right.” Kibum responds in a sombre tone.

“Lee Jinki feels the same as Onew feels Kibum. Do you want to know what I really care about? Whether it is happiness or SHINee’s future?” Jinki asks with an edge to his voice that wasn’t present earlier.

“Yes, I want to know Jinki. I need to know where your priorities are.” The younger’s voice is raised now and Jinki can feel a fight brewing once more.

“Fine. If you want to know what I care about, what my priorities are – my priorities are YOU. I care about YOU and whether you like it or not, I want your happiness. I want you to have a good, easy future. YOU are a part of SHINee and SHINee is a part of YOU. I don’t care what happens to me, or what others think. I care about your happiness.” The leader tries not to shout, remembering that the other members are in the building.

Kibum laughs bitterly at this statement because he can’t believe what he is hearing.

“If you cared about me at all, you would know that I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. YOU are what makes me happy. You and nothing else.” Kibum responds, his chest is heaving now and the once stern eyes are beginning to fill with an unwanted moisture.

“Then what are we supposed to do huh? What am I supposed to do? Please, tell me Kibum because I can’t do this anymore.” Much to Kibum’s surprise, Jinki is the first to let the tears fall as he sits on the wooden floor, head in his hands and pain written on his face.

Kibum scrambles to his feet at record speed and is crouched down next to the pink haired figure, rubbing soothing circles on his back. Jinki never cries, not unless it is something big and that was enough to shock Kibum from his defensive bubble. All of a sudden the big problems seem to pop in the air and Kibum realises what is truly important, that they have each other.

“Jinx…you’re not supposed to do anything. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to feel this pressure, I’m here for you and I’m so sorry for being so selfish.” Kibum blurts out, he can’t believe he didn’t see what all of this had been doing to Jinki all this time. He thinks back to last Friday and realises that Jinki must have had to answer some questions to their manager and ultimately the company, that these fears weren’t unfounded but Jinki had shielded him from them, not saying a word because he didn’t want Kibum to feel the burden too.

They stay that way for a while, both of them crying equally and Kibum eventually sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped securely around the one person he cares the most for in this world.

“I’m so sorry” Kibum mumbles into the pink tresses once his crying has calmed. He feels as Jinki wriggles free to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry too. I should have told you.” Jinki whispers, his entire being feeling lethargic.

Their eye contact remains for a few seconds before two pairs of pink lips are meeting, soft and gentle as they indulge in the very problem that they need to solve. Kibum feels the emotion right down to his toes and Jinki can feel the thrumming strings of passion tugging at his lower stomach, threatening to build into something more. So he pulls back.

“What are we going to do?” Kibum breathes into the small distance that is barely remaining between them.

“I don’t know. I guess… I guess we’re just more careful. I can’t end this, I don’t know who I was kidding but I care about you too much to stop.”

“Okay, then we’ll be careful. What did you tell the manager?” Kibum lightly whispers, their faces still only inches apart.

“I just denied it and said that it wouldn’t happen again. Luckily he was too embarrassed to ask for a real explanation.” Jinki sighs, he hates that he has to hide his feelings for Kibum and he is frustrated that this is just another thing that being an idol prevents him from having. As much as he loves SHINee and he is grateful to be in this high position and doing what he loves, sometimes he wonders if life would have been better if he was just a normal guy. Then again, if it wasn’t for SM he would never have met Kibum.

“Come on, it’s been a long day, let’s go to bed.” Kibum motions them towards the comfy mattress as they both shuffle into the warmth and safety of the blankets. He removes his glasses, placing them beside his book before snuggling down and into Jinki’s chest. A final glance at his phone reminds him that they only have five hours before they need to wake again for schedules and he sighs once again, his breath fanning across Jinki’s toned chest.

“Thank You” The older male whispers into the air after a minute of silence.

“For what?” Kibum shifts his head slightly to meet Jinki’s eyes.

“For being here whenever I need you.” He replies as one hand strokes through the rainbow coloured locks.

“Well, thanks to you too then” and he stretches his neck upwards to steal a long and lingering kiss before pulling away with a small smile.

“Goodnight Jinx” He whispers and reaches over to turn out the bedside lamp.

“Night Bummie” Is the response that is spoken into the darkness but they can both feel a temporary contentment settling deep inside of them.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated :)
> 
> Xx L xX


End file.
